Monty Python Is Not Funny

Listening to: Cog - The River Song

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Don't get me wrong about this. I used to think it was fucking hilarious. I would listen to it hour after hour - I could recite most of their most famous sketches word for word. I could even mimic their accents. Thing is, over the years the novelty and humour has worn off for me. To the point where I don't find it funny in the slightest.

And therein lies the problem. See, three of the guys in my office love it - to them, it's one of the funniest things ever. So it gets played, quoted, recited and sung loudly all the time. The first couple of times I found it amusing enough to smile or maybe even chuckle. But now it drives me Up. The. Fucking. Wall.

So between sales reps wandering in and talknig about bullshit, Monty Python blaring through other peoples' computer speakers, and all the hammering and bashing/crashing that goes on around work, I'm verhy slowly starting to boil. I've stuffed earplugs as far as possible into my ears (I think I hit the eardrum), and it's cut a lot of it out.

But I can still hear Monty Python. *twitch*

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Listening to: Cog - Open Up

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The Good:

We decided that we needed to get out of town for a couple of days, that we needed a change of scenery. So a sudden trip to Melbourne was planned and booked. Qantas into Melbourne, staying in a hotel spotted on Wotif, and Jetstar back to Adelaide. Great in theory, but more on that later.

Fly into Melbourne just after lunchtime on Thursday, grab the shuttle bus to Spencer Street and walk to the hotel (only a couple of blocks away). The room's pretty small, but ok. Get sorted there, then head out and wander down to Federated Square, with its funky buildings and loads of trendy people everywhere. Order a couple of Iced Coffees and a bowl of chips while we figure out our next move. Jump on a tram to St. Kilda, not knowing that Luna Park isn't open Thursdays, but oh well. So we wander St. Kilda for a bit, then head back to the hotel. Dinner is a couple of fresh pizzas from the Melbourne Pizza Bar down the street. Very nice. Hit the sack, as we have a bit planned for Friday. Get woken up a few times, thanks to the King Street traffic outside. Yay.

Friday starts with a tram ride to the MCG for a guided tour. I manage to grab a pile of photos while we moved around, including from on the grass. I'd say it was as spiritual thing, but it wasn't quite. Nonetheless, that's one impressive piece of real estate. After lunch in the Bourke Street Mall, we jump a tram up to the Victoria Markets, for a bit of retail therapy. I buy a new ring (just need to get it fit my fat finger now), and Kel buys some stuff as well. Typical Melbourne, it starts to piss down, so we jump another tram, then get off when we figured we're heading in the wrong direction. Jump the tram coming the other way and end up back at the hotel, for a nap.

Stir an hour or so later, and get ready for a night at the Crown Casino. Ask the dude on the front desk of the hotel to order us a taxi. He seems to think that's too hard, and suggests we just walk. Go outside and snag one a few metres down the road. $5.80 later and we're inside the Crown complex. This is the second time I've been there, but I forgot how big it is. At least compared to Sky City in Adelaide. We grab some food, then get drinks and start to wander. Seems casinos don't like $5 Black Jack tables anymore, which blows. We end up on an touch-screen Roulette wheel (you each get your own touch-screen booth and can place your own bets - much easier). Pretty soon we're both $25 up. A few more drinks and a trip to the downstairs Poker Room, and we're back on the Roulette table for some more fun.

Bomb out about 11-ish, and prepare for the trip home tomorrow.

The Bad:

After killing some time in the morning, we headed down to the newly renamed Southern Cross station to get the shuttle bus to Avalon Airport (we were flying back on JetStar). Fifteen minutes after it was supposed to leave, the bus turns up. Driver gets out, opens the luggage doors and steps out of the way so we can load our own luggage. Good start.

So we load up, jump on and sit while aforementioned driver purchases tickets for those onbaord who couldn't be fucked getting their own. Eventually we get rolling out of the station, with the driver telling us not to worry about making it to Avalon to get the flight - apparently we've got plenty of time.

We pull out onto the main road and are crusing towards the Yarra River in the right-hand lane, when there's a "pop", and the bus tilts to the left. Driver stops the bus and gets out. A couple of minutes later he returns to tell us we've blown one of the airbags in the suspension. A couple of minutes after that, the right-hand airbag goes.

After about twenty minutes of sitting in the fuckin' road (to quote Samuel L. Jackson in Die Hard With A Vengeance), a replacement bus arrives. After shiftin our own luggage into the new bus, we're off again. All the driver can say is useless shit like "These things were sent to try us."

Halfway to the airport and all's well. Until the driver hits the brakes and swerves over to the side of the road. Apparently the bus is overheating now. After a couple of minutes we're rolling again. I guess he had visions of me stuffing his head into the radiator to plug the leaks.

Fortunately for us (and for Sunbus), the plane is thirty minutes late arriving at Avalon, so we made it in time. JetStar were kind enough to hold Check In open for us. Avalon Airport isn't much of an airport. I'd call it a couple of boxes and a runway or two. But the flight home with JetStar was good - the crew were very nice, and the pilot did a good job of landing in what must've been some decent winds (the plane swerved a couple of times on landing for which I quietly held my breath).

The Ugly:

The bus driver.

Aah holidays, how I've missed thee

Listening to: Cog - Moshiach

So I went off to HQ to see Sunk Loto and Cog play last night. Every time I see Cog, I love them just a little bit more. These guys are masters at entertaining with what appears to be very little effort. They're naturals and I'll pay good money every time they come to town from now on.

Sunk Loto were pretty cool too - din't quite grab me like their previous shows, but then again they've been out of it (at least nationally) for a while. But it was great to see them back.

The first band, Mammal were interesting. The lead singer/vocalist had a habit of jumping the barriers and moving round the venue during songs - very cool. I'll be on the lookout for more from them.

Saturday night, we went off to the Uni Bar to see Swayback support The Casanovas. Swayback have recently re-released their debut CD, The Quest For Rock & Roll, and I have been helping out with their website. Matt Small from the band told me that one of my photos has been used in the sleeve artwork, so I went and bought a copy (I already had the initial release, but wanted this one too). I opened it up and looked. Not one, but four of my shots made the cover! Then I read the credits - seems during the mad panic to update the artwork, someone forgot to put my name in the photo credits!

Seriously though, I was just happy to get my stuff into the artwork - actually, no I was fucking stoked. Duane from the band was majorly apologetic, even to the point of posting a Myspace blog to apologise. But I'm cool with it. I know they're my shots, the band knows they're my shots. Next time, thought, there'll be trouble. ;-)

So now that I'm on holidays, I'm looking forward to lots of sleep, lots of relaxation and lots of photography. I've been waiting nearly four months for these two weeks off, so I'm gonna be making the most of them.

Lily Flower

Lily Flower
Originally uploaded by adam1975.

This is the result of waking up at 4am thinking about my last day at work and all the crap I need to get done. I get up and review my photos from last weekend.

I've been trying to capture one of these flowers for years.

May I Waste Your Time Too?

Listening to: Eskimo Joe - London Bombs

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As of Monday the 9th of October, I will be on two weeks annual leave. Glorious, glorious annual leave. The time to be sleeping in, chilling out, practising my photography, catching up on my paperwork, getting my website up to date (maybe even working on a new version), looking into a Camera Club or two, drinking much less coffee and just generally catching my breath.

My job is taking up so much of my time at the moment, that the days of the week just blend into one. The working week is fast becming a precursor to sleeping in Saturday and getting my strength back. Only to have to prepare for the next week, which blends into one very long day. And so on.

So to have the chance to step away for a couple of weeks will be heaven. No boxes, no artwork, no whining sales reps. No fifty phone calls and sixty emails every day. God, that'll be nice.

My cameras and I are going to be getting very friendly. Even my Holga 120N - still haven't had the chance to flex its' 'muscles' so I'm itching to get out and use it.

As long as they don't upgrade my computer while I'm away... I know the lease is almost up. I have to invest in an external hard drive to get my 10Gb of MP3's off it yet.

And now for something a little different. A photo I took a couple of months back, of Swayback front man, Brenton:

I am bored of silence

Listening to: Stone Sour - sillyworld


A friend of mine has been playing with an email scammer. Read how - it's damn funny.


One of the guys in my office likes to listen to TripleM on the radio. Today's been a constant stream of songs that made we wince:

The Boomtown Rats - I Don't Like Mondays
AC/DC - Thunderstruck
The B52s - Love Shack
Led Zeppelin - The Immigrant Song
The Models - Out Of Mind Out Of Sight
Kiss - I Was Made For Loving You

Good to see the old 5KA (1197 on the AM dial - yes I'm that old) is still kicking goals...


Karnivool put on a good show Wednesday night. It was great to finally catch them live. Funny part of the night was when we spooted my friend's band, Swayback were advertising a gig this Saturday with The Casanovas. Felt kinda cool seeing their poster in a venue like the Uni Bar, and thinking about their website that I built, and the photo shoots I did for their interview in dB/Rip It Up mags. I got all warm and fuzzy for a moment.

Lost On Your Motorway

Listening to: The Butterfly Effect - The End


Ok, so it's time for a long-overdue rant.

Ahem...

Earlier this year, one of my favourite Australian bands, The Butterfly Effect, released their highly anticipated second CD, Imago. Naturally, I was itching to get my hands on it. So I picked it up from the local CD shop the day it was release, rushed home, threw it on the CD player, listened to it a few times and started to love it oh so much.

Then I thought I'd copy it onto my PC so I could listen to it without having to have the CD with me. My MP3 collection is growing (about 8Gb at the moment, spread between work and home). I chuck it in the CD drive, only to see a built-in audio player pop up. Ok, so I can sorta deal with that. So I fire up iTunes to import the CD onto the hard drive. Oops! Sorry, can't do that. Seems The Butterfly Effect's record company, the all powerful Sony BMG, have decided that I can only copy the CD into either a copyright-protected WMA format, their proprietary SonicStage format, or directly onto an iPod. Ok, I'll go get my iPod Nano, and copy it straight over - maybe I can then copy it back onto the hard drive.

Ha! Err, no.

Ok, so at least I've got it on my iPod now. I devise a cunning plan at work, to record the tracks playing on an audio editing package I have, then convert them to MP3. Works a charm, even if the sound quality is a little lacking (I'm a snob when it comes to bit rates).

Ok, fast forward a few months. I've been having trouble connecting my iPod to my work PC, and have given up on it. Then I download iTunes V7, and fall into some sort of nerdy love with the album-flicking bit. I think "Hey why I don't I bring my iPod back in and see if it'll work?" iPod gets recognised, which is a step forward, but iTunes says I have to restore it to original factory settings, and lose all my songs. Sigh. Ok, well if it'll work, go for it.

Click the button, wipe the songs, lose the sounds. iPod resets and all seems to be groovy. Till iTunes says I need to restore the iPod to original factory settings. Oh look, there's a tail. CHASE IT CHASE IT CHASE IT!!

:-|

Ok, give up, pack up iPod, bring it home, concede that home PC will be home for iPod uploads from now on. Plug it in and start uploading again. I'd like to put The Butterfly Effect back on there, so I go grab the CD and chuck it in the CD drive again. Built-in audio player pops up as per normal. I go to the Import CD bit, and click on iPod.

BZZT! Sorry, can't do that. You can only copy this album onto an iPod once, and you've already done it. So you lose. HA!

Grrrr fuck shit bloody bitch cocksmoker.

So I spent $20-something on a CD that I can only copy once. What a fucking crock.


Sony BMG can suck my toes. :|

And to prove that I really do own the damn thing:

...Shit, snort and blaspheme

Listening to: Stone Sour - sillyworld

So I bought the new Stone Sour CD, Come What(ever) May, last night. There's something about opening a brand new CD case and popping the disc off the spindle for the first time, that I find so exciting. Am I sad? Probably. Pretty good album too. I've been listening to it all morning and it's suonding great. Now for them to tour Australia soon.

Speaking of tours, I received the tickets to Karnivool's show in the mail last night. Can't wait to see them - I missed their last show, as I decided not to turn up when the doors open, and instead wait a couple of hours. Naturally the show sold out so I couldn't get in. :|

Cog & Sunk Loto are playing HQ next month. Cannot. Wait. To. See. This. Show. Haven't seen Sunk Loto for over a year, since the fire alarm went off halfway through their first song. That was a good night. And I saw Cog earlier this year at the Clipsal 500 - that was an awesome show. I saw Cog play with The Butterfly Effect @ Heaven (as HQ was known back in the day) about four years ago, and was impressed. So seeing them again this year and being even more impressed bodes well for this show. Pity it's on a Sunday night... Oh well, it'll be a large double-strength Gloria Jeans coffee on the way to work that Monday morning. ;)

I'm coming down sick again. Only just got over the last frigging bug that got into my pipes. Why oh why were viruses invented? What possible purpose could they serve? Maybe just to keep the immune system on its toes. What a waste of an invention. Surely they could've invented something better. Like a Fear Factory tour that includes Adelaide (not that I'm bitter or anything).

Techknowledgey

Listening to: Cog - Moo


I made my first purchase from iTunes yesterday - I feel so technologized. I downloaded the latest version (v7), and wanted to have all the funky album artworks show up, so I signed up for an account.

If you haven't seen v7 yet, take a look at this.

You can flick through the album covers like you flick through a box of records. And as you flick to an album, the listing below jumps to the start of that album.

So anyway, I was browsing through the Music Store at lunch time, and thought I'd check out what tracks by The Butterfly Effect

are available. I noticed that their EP was there, and for only $6.99, so I grabbed it. Gotta admit, if you're into buying music online, iTunes is a pretty nifty solution to the problem. I'd browsed the store before, but never purchased.

Now, if only it would recognise my frigging iPod Nano, I'd be set...

Toy cameras and the world we live in.

A little while ago, I bought myself a toy camera. I wasn't getting bored as such with my current equipment, but I was enjoying viewing toy camera photography, and I wanted to have a go at it.

I suppose it's not necessarily classed as a "toy" camera as such, but my Holga 120N is so cheap, nasty and crappy, that it's really not far off. It feels so odd around my neck because it's almost totally made of plastic. Even the lens is plastic. It uses 120 film (medium format) which is about the only part of the camera that can be taken seriously. I wonder what other people think when they see me put my Nikon D100 or Mamiya 645 away and drag this shabby little POS out!

We went for a drive on the weekend down to the Fleurieu Peninsula, south of Adelaide. I brought the Holga along so I could have a play with it. As I was sitting on the beach at Rapid Bay, I tried a few pictures of the pebbles. I've only run one roll of film through it so far, and haven't bothered to get it developed as I know I didn't wind each frame on enough! When I do get it developed, it could almost look quite funny.

There's one thing I keep forgetting about when I think about what the images will look like. That's any light leaks within the camera. These vary from Holga to Holga, and can be small or large. I used about half a roll on the weekend, so I want to finish it off and get it developed. If the frames are ok, I may even get prints made, for a laugh.

But I've been getting visions in my mind of different shots I want to take with it, including one which could look awesome blown up and maybe even printed onto a frameless canvas. Hmmm. If the camera's up for it, let's have some fun.

I have two weeks of holidays coming up in October, and I've started planning what I want to do while I'm off. I really want to get out and get some photography under my belt. All day trips into the hills are on my list, as are some scouting journeys to Pt. Adelaide. I love wandering the old streets of the Port area, looking at the old buildings and capturing their old-world charms. All the time I'm out shooting though, I'll have my Holga ready. It's really quite funny how such a shitty little plastic box can capture my imagination the way it has. $56 well spent I think.

Adam's Story - an uplifting tale about a boy and his struggle to fit in.

A little about me:

I'm a qualified Industrial Designer. I studied for 4.5 years to get my piece of paper, which is now sitting somewhere on the bookshelf in the spare room. I really sohould get a frame for it. I live with my girlfriend of two years, in a two bedroom 1st floor flat not far from the city centre - a stone's throw from Victoria Park Racecourse, for those who want to stalk me. I work for a global packaging design (aka box) company, as a designer-slash-button pusher-slash-paper monkey. But more abuot that a bit further down.

I love to wield my cameras, and take shots of stuff. I have a range of different sites you can see my stuff on - check the links on the right. I love my music loud, heavy but with a bit of a melody too. Fav bands include:

Dream Theater
Cog
The Butterfly Effect
Karnivool
Japunga
Slipknot
Tool
Sunk Loto
Fear Factory
Something For Kate
Soulfly



My Past Work Life:

My previous job was as an Industrial Designer for a local company that produces metal, gold and landmine detectors for sale around the world. Their technology was first rate, but most of the products it was house in were, quite honestly, shit. The quality and design were second rate trash. I had this dream of being able to make a real impact in their new range of products, but everywhere I turned, bullshit managers and idiotic business decisions got in the way. I stood up for myself, and ended up being "made redundant" - the easy way to sack someone you don't like. I had the opportunity to make their product the best on the market within my reach, and they ripped it away. More about that later too.

I was in a position where I made a difference in how our department ran, how we handled and controlled our information and how we interacted with other departments. I know more about the company's product lines than most people. I had skills up the wazoo, and was about to start training in new areas. I was in a position to transform their range into true world-leading products. That might sound a little up-myself, but I really believe if I'd stayed there, I could've made my mark. The last range of products I was working on (due for release three weeks after I was frog-marched out) was a great start, and a fantastic learning experience. But it was the range-topping products that were slated for upgrades that I was itching to get my hands on.

Alas, it was not to be. I was made redundant while off sick for three days. By 9am the following Monday, I'd been to work, been told and was back home unpacking a box of my things with a really odd feeling in my stomach. Five weeks later I started a new (my current) job. I like the fact I landed on my feet, and not my arse.



My Current Work Life:

I've been in my current job for a year, a week and one day. I'm already starting to wonder if I'm in the right job. the amount of poo that get's flung at me is worse than my previous job. Day in day out there's another drama that's given to me to sort. Other departments who can't handle their workload, or who aren't able to do the job right. Each day lurches into the next.

Two weeks ago, I literally had to stop for five minutes so I could remember what day of the week it is. That's not a good sign.

This job was advertised five days after I lost my previous job. Five weeks later I started. It was the best first job interview I'd ever had. I answered every question, could give examples for every situation they threw at me and clicked with my now-boss. It was an all-new industry with new rules and standards to learn. I threw myself into the 10-hour days and loved it. Then the monotony of the industry hit me, and it's been a gentle slide to this point ever since.

I love working with the other guys in my office - we look out for each other and are never afraid to help the others out. But the nature of the job, and the company, are such that the expectation for damn-near perfection are just really grating on me. I don't sleep properly (an alarming similarity with my old job when I was overloaded), I don't have the energy I used to and after work, I rarely want to do anything but sit in front of the box and recover.

My photography has all but gone into hibernation. I don't have any real new shots to show off anywhere. The last big shoot I did was at my friend's band DVD recording. Admittedly, I've also been developing a website for them (soon to be released). So that's been keeping the creative juices flowing. But other than that, I just don't have the push to do it right now. So many things in my life (all work-related) feel not right anymore, and I don't quite know where to go from here.

I have two weeks of holidays booked for October, and I want to use them to unwind, start breathing again and regather my thoughts about my career. And where I want to go from here. The thought of working for myself is tempting, but it needs a lot of ground work yet. Maybe it's time I start on that ground work...

A Friend Remembered

I woke up this morning thinking about someone I hadn't thought of for a while. Probably close to a year since I last devoted thinking time to this person. This person was a friend I hadn't known very long - about ten weeks in fact.

Then he went on a week's holiday to the tourist hotspot that is Bali. He was there for maybe four days before he died. He was enjoying himself with friends, having a good time and celebrating his football team's grand final win. Then he was dead. Just one of over two hundred people slaughtered in the name of someone's twisted belief.

Someone who claimed to be happy to be executed so he could be at one with his God. And who now is launching last minute appeals against his sentence of death by firing squad. What a true martyr to the cause you turned out to be. Coward.

My friend was twenty two years old. He was only just beginning his life when he was cut down so brutally and callously. He died for absolutely nothing.

The world has changed since the current era of terrorism began. We are now so much more on edge, so much more aware of who is around us and what they're doing. It's not really like we've got a choice about it either. Governments are pushing us to be vigilant. They're slowly removing individual liberties in an effort to single out those willing to strike at them.

Or do these people really care who they're striking at? If you look at the last five years, how many high security events have been named as possible targets of terrorism? Olympic Games, Commonwealth Games, large sporting events, public gatherings. None of these have been hit by anything other than the occasional loon looking to get his face on the TV.

No, these murderers look to the everyday locations that we take for granted. Office buildings (New York), nightclubs (Bali), trains (Madrid & London) are their targets. Why kill those you're actually after when you can kill innocent people going about their everyday lives, and create maximum exposure and impact?Why take the lives of those who could potentially put up a fight and resist, when you can kill and maim those who have no idea the attack is coming?

Lives are ripped apart. Not only the lives of those with immediate ties to the dead, but the lives of those around them. At the memorial service for my friend, over one thousand people attended. The church was full and there were crowds of people outside, listening as the service was played through the PA system. Over one thousand lives were affected. All for what?

Josh, wherever you are, I hope you're safe and warm. Becaust this world wasn't good enough to keep you among us. This world failed you, and I am sorry. We are all left to remember you, and perhaps wonder what might've been.

A Stranger Dead

Well, that wasn't exactly the best way to start my day.

On the way to work this morning, the traffic started to back up a fair way before the Grand Junction/Main North Road intersection, which was odd. Usually I'm within four or five cars of the intersection, and never get held up there.

Then I saw the blue and red flashing lights. And the traffic started to merge into the right hand lane. Then two police cars flew up the inside parking lane. Then the two ambulances appeared in front of me from behind the moving traffic, one parked across the left lane. Then I saw the white sheet lying on the ground - it was on the other side of the ambulance, but I could see it underneath the ambulance.

Seems a small car had tried to pull out of a side street but didn't see the Suzuki motorcycle coming from the right, in the left hand lane...

7:05am and someone's dead already.

My Dad

When I was twelve years old, my dad moved out. Seems he'd been having an affair for six months behind my mother's back. I came home from school that day and waited for him to get home. And waited. Then I asked mum where he was. She sat my brother and I down and told us.

After about a week of crying, I started to pull myself together and breath again. It took a month or two for me to agree to see him again. My brother on the other hand, took longer to come around to including Dad in his life again.

Long story short, we kept in contact. Over the last four or five years, we haven't spoken as often. Life, it seems, gets in the way. We would go weeks, if not months, without talking. But when we did all was good.

Then Dad got himself a girlfriend. In China. Turns out they met online. Not that I have a problem with that form of meeting people - my girlfriend and I met online, and she moved from Brisbane to be with me.

Thing is, Dad's made a number of trips to China to see her, without ever actually having told me that they are together. Of course, it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure it out, as she's in every second photo he's taken while other there. So the rumours haev been flying aruond Mum's side of the family, about him and her, and what future they'd have.

Then my phone rang a few weeks ago now - it was Mum. She wanted to know if Dad had spoken to me about his "news".

...No he hadn't. Turns out he'd gone and gotten married to this woman on his last trip to China. That he'd returned three weeks earlier. He'd told my brother - even went to see him to tell him. But he hadn't bothered to tell me. Even now, some six or seven weeks after he returned, he still hasn't picked up the phone, or stopped by, to tell me the news.

Which leads me to believe that I really don't rank all that highly on his priority list anymore. I'm 31 years old, so I'm not expecting my world to come crumbling to my feet anytime soon as a result. But to think that the man I looked up to for so long, even after he betrayed his family, and walked away from them, can think so little of me to leave it up to the rest of the family to tell me this kind of news, is still beyond belief to me.

When I was little, I loved my Dad. I wanted to be just like him, in every facet. I wanted to be strong, loving, caring, helpful, funny. I wanted to have a family and be a good Dad. After he walked out, I still loved him. I still looked forward to our time together, even after he'd stood us up. I still enjoyed hearing his voice on the phone, and talking about all things useless and irrelevant. As I grew older and mroe independent, I still cared about him and looked up to him. Even after all the things he never told me, but that I heard from my brother. The houses he'd bought, the trips he was going on, the fact that he and his (now) ex had split up. I was never told a thing. He just assumed that my brother would tell me.

So here I am, sitting here looking upon the awful realisation that he doesn't give a shit about my feelings anymore. It's a pretty cold slap in the face to be wearing, let me tell you. To know that your own father can't be fucked to pick up the phone and chat, or ask me to go have a coffee and talk it over, is pretty ordinary.

Obviously, I've had a little while now to come to grips with it, but I haven't fully yet. I don't know if I ever will completely get used to it. I think more than anything, this will drive an unmovalbe wedge between us. Why should I fucking bother trying to stay in contact with him, when he can't even tell me that he's gone and gotten married again, for fuck's sake?

My girlfriend (bless her cotton socks) keeps telling me that I should say something to him, that I should ring him and ask him why he's never told me. I know I could do that, and I was going to at one point. But honestly, what's the point? His actions - or lack thereof - have spoken louder than any words could. I'm hurt, I'm feeling left out, but I'm also feeling that it's the turning point in our relationship. If he wants to exlude me form his life, then so be it. He'll be the one to miss out.